if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
