I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We are two peas in an std pod
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
