the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
