do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I made him laugh his dick is mine
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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