we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
