man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
