yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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