I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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