dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
