your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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