this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
