Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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