I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
