I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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