Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He felt like a one man threesome
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
