I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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