Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
