i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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