i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just blew my weed a kiss
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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