walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
