Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
