i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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