I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
