I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
