He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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