Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
