You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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