I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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