I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
