i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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