Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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