weddingsv make me drug and hornr
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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