My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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