She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
