How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize