just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
