TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
