I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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