Buhtt sex?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
