Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
