I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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