I'm drive I can fine osifer
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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