you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
im on a boat
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