I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize