But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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