we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
