I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
