dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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