so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
