Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
