So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
