dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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