Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
