Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
