if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
