i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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