You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
