lets start a swedish sibling band together
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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