Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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