I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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