I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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