True but thats because hes a fetus.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
