nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
