I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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