wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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