We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The air was thick with penises
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
