fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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